ROCKSTARS WILL BE ROCKSTARS
Being on stage, having fans scream your name/your lyrics and actually being amazingly talented can make you feel like you’re deep fried sex on a stick dipped in chocolate sauce. In other words, being famous can make you feel pretty god damn superior.
Famous you may be, but as a friend once advised me, when I was overly concerned with a silly rumour that was floating around, “everyone gets diarrhea.” I guess what he was trying to say in his highly visual way is that everyone is human. And being famous does NOT give you licence to act like a ninny.
In celebration of what an inflated ego and tonnes of cash can do to people (i.e. turn them bat-shit-psycho-hose-beast-crazy) we’ve compiled a list (OH GOD WE LOVE LISTS) of the most prima donna-esque requests/demands we’ve heard musicians to be guilty of.
If you work with Prince or come into close proximity with the 5-ft-something star, do not, whatever you do, look him in the eye. One can only assume looking him in the eye may cause some sort of epic nudity epidemic. That, or, he’s a sex-robot sent from the future and looking in his eyes allows you to see his inner sexual (said with an serpentine emphasis on the “s”) mechanics. Apparently Prince also requires a doctor to be on hand at his live shows to administer vitamin B12 injections. Vitamin B12 or radiator fluid for his prince-o-matic robot engine? You decide.
M-dawg has a list of diva demands as ample as her, er, smile. Big boobs aside, Mariah has a buxom (ok last boob joke) need for the unnecessary. Apparently she requires a dressing room attendent just to hand her towels and posters of all her pop rivals must be taken down. When lighting Christmas lights in London back in 2009 most of her crazy request were met (driven by a Rolls-Royce along a pink carpet to the pink podium and being showered by butterfly shaped confetti at the end of proceedings), but her request to be surrounded by 20 white kittens and 100 white doves proved too much for the health and safety people. All Mariah wants for Christmas is a whole lot of crazy. Previously she is also said to have needed a bottle of Cristal champagne and “bendy straws” to drink it with on hand as well as 20 humidifiers in her hotel room so she can sleep in a steamy room. Waaa?
Elton John may be one of the most amazing adult contemporary performers and song writers of all time, but that does not preclude him from acting like a child. Aside from his petty hatred of Madonna (one which he made embarrassingly and blatantly clear on the red carpet of the last Golden Globe awards) he is also legendary for his childlike temper. Apparently, once in fit of sleep deprivation in hotel in Paris, he phoned his manager (in the middle of the night mind you) and demanded that the rain outside be stopped so he could sleep.
Ego-mania isn’t just a product of the modern “selfie” social-media age it would seem. Johnny Cash was being a bit of a douche before Bieber was a distance itch in Canada’s crotch. Cash was reportedly incredibly destructive, totaling numerous cars (driving one vehicle full of passengers onto to a military minefield), sinking two boats and steering a tractor off a cliff. When he wasn’t destroying vehicles he turned his attentions to destroying hotel rooms. His favourite thing to do was to paint the TV screens claiming he preferred colour to black and white.
OK, time to set the record straight. Van Halen always get heaped with a lot of shit about requesting no “brown m&ms” in their riders. BUT, the Van Halen boys actually do this as a safety precaution. Their stage set up is incredibly huge and has so many finickity details that they included this brown m&m bullshit deep in the contract so that when they first arrive at a gig, they can check the rider… If their are brown m&ms they know that the contract hasn’t been read properly and will do a safety check. As we saw from the Radiohead incident, big stage shows can be dangerous, so let’s cut Van Halen some slack for their brown m&m gear and celebrate it for what it is – clever!
Ever witnessed a band throw a hissy fit over something small? Seen a band demand someone warm their toilet seat before they’ll use it?
Tell us the best music biz prima donna behaviour you’ve heard or witnessed in the comments section below.